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Zap!

Boom!

Whap!

Republicans slap fest!  Let the first enjoyable GOP debate begin!

• First to ask if his microphone was on: Anderson Cooper just
• prior to the debate
• First on stage: Bachmann
• First to dress like a sailor: Bachmann

• First purple tie: Cooper
• First candidate purple tie: Gingrich
• First thumbs up: Perry
• First candidate to shake everyone’s hand: Perry
• First candidate to clap for Ron Paul: Romney
• First to shake his hand: Cain
• First to introduce himself: Santorum
• First to tell his daughter that he loves her: Santorum
• First to wear a suit coat too big for him: Paul
• First to say ‘business’ twice in his introduction: Cain
• First to say ‘fun’ twice in his introduction: Romney
• First to attack Romney: Perry in his introduction

• First to have hair that matches her jacket buttons: Bachmann
• First to display shallow wit by playing off the cheesy ‘happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ line: Bachman
• First to suggest a liberal president would raise taxes to 90%: Bachmann
• First to wear a yellow tie at each debate: Cain
• First to wear a blue tie at each debate: Romney
• First to say that government encourages people to have children: Santorum
• First to raise her hand to ask to be called upon: Bachmann
• First to say “Herman I love you brother”: Perry
• First to talk about fruit: Cain

• First to say that apples and oranges don’t mix: Cain
• First to say that loafs of bread have invisible taxes: Cain
• First to say he likes that some people don’t pay taxes: Paul
• First debate where every candidate appears to have received a recent haircut except Gingrich: This one
• First to call state sales tax an apple: Cain
• First to ask another candidate a question: Romney to Cain
• First to say Cain’s plan is a bussel basket: Romney
• First debate where Perry appears lean: This one
• First to exhume Ronald Reagan: Bachmann

• First to promote her website: Bachmann
• First to ramble aimlessly in sentence fragments: Perry
• First to say that Perry is absolutely right: Romney
• First to say ‘income mobility’ is a new term: Santorum
• First blue shirt: Santorum
• First to say Romney has no credibility on repealing Obamacare: Santorum
• First to say he doesn’t know how many debates they’ve had: Romney
• First argument: Santorum vs. Romney
• First to compare Romney to Obama: Santorum
• First to sniff: Paul
• First to mention that Ron Paul is a doctor: Romney
• First to say the word ‘lavish’: Gingrich
• First to say that what Romney says isn’t true: Gingrich
• First frumpy face: Paul

• First to count on his fingers: Cain
• First to touch another candidate: Romney
• First to say it’s been a tough couple of debates for Perry: Romney
• First to say that Perry has a problem letting other people speak: Romney
• First to suggest using Predator Drones on illegal immigrants: Perry
• First to mention Iran: Perry
• First to say she’ll build a border fence along the entire length of the southern United States: Bachmann
• First to say securing the border isn’t that hard: Romney
• First to compare Perry to a failed college sports coach: Romney
• First to say Romney hit the nail on the head (twice): Perry
• First to say the audience agrees with him: Romney
• First to say that a border fence isn’t the answer: Paul
• First to scratch his right eye: Cain
• First to correct Perry’s grammar: Cooper (“Actually that’s a response not an answer”)
• First to lick his lips on camera: Perry
• First to say rights don’t come in bunches: Paul
• First to say he’s not a scientist: Gingrich
• First to say he was for TARP before he was against it: Cain
• First to say that everyday she’s somewhere in America: Bachmann
• First to directly reach for the mom-vote: Bachmann
• First to say that ‘Occupy Wall Street’-ers are victims: Paul
• First to talk while waving a pen: Paul
• First to physically lean right while speaking: Romney

• First to say President Obama does not have a jobs plan, even though congressional Republicans blocked a vote on the president’s jobs plan last week : Romney
• First to take a drink of water: Gingrich
• First to talk about religious salvation: Santorum
• First to bring up the Northwest ordinance of 1787: Gingrich
• First to say the president of Iran is a genocidal maniac: Bachmann
• First to address the moderator by his first name: Bachmann
• First to talk about shooting ourselves in the head and cutting off our arms two debates in a row: Gingrich
• First to say ‘I’m a hawk but a cheap hawk’: Gingrich
• First to say U.S. government supports German’s socialist system: Paul

• First to say cutting the defense budget is a wise thing to do: Paul
• First to say America is an empire: Paul
• First to say he would not negotiate with terrorists but would have to evaluate individual situations where he might negotiate with terrorists: Cain
• First to make hand quote gestures: Santorum
• First to mention suicide: Gingrich
• First to say we have enough weapons to blow up the world twenty times: Paul
• First to suggest defunding the United Nations: Perry

• First candidate to defend foreign aid: Romney
• First to laugh when he misspeaks: Romney (and only Romney)
• First to say he’d cut aid to Israel: Paul
• First to say that Cain is naive: Bachmann
• First to mention that Ronald Reagan negotiated for hostages: Paul
• First to uselessly argue with Paul: Santorum
• First to pick his pen up off the floor: Perry
• First person to think with his finger on his nose: This audience guy

• First to say ‘I should be president’: Cain
• First to say he’s cleaned a parking lot: Cain
• First to count on his fingers starting with his pinky: Romney
• First to say ‘the cake is baked’: Bachmann
• First to mention pastels: Bachmann
• First to say he wants to debate Obama for three straight hours without a moderator: Gingrich

Boys will be boys

 

Click here to view the embedded video.

Let’s find out in the Washington Post-Bloomberg GOP Primary Debate!

Dartmouth-Washington Post-Bloomberg GOP debate firsts

• First to appear to fall asleep at the table: Paul
• First to suggest Barney Frank and Chris Dodd should go to jail: Gingrich
• First to say he’s been phoning the Federal Reserve for 50 years: Paul
• First attractive moderator, like, ever: Julianna Goldman

• First to dress like an angel: Bachmann

• First to say he doesn’t want to brag: Santorum
• First to defend Governor Palin (for reasons beyond comprehension): Gingrich
• First to say that President Obama mumbles: Gingrich

• First to suggest that backgrounds checks are invasive to those considering government service: Huntsman
• First to suggest that Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan sounds like the price of a pizza: Huntsman

• First to say the 9-9-9 plan is not the price of a pizza: Cain
• First to say the 9-9-9 plan does not come off a box of pizza: Cain
• First to say he’s not omniscience: Romney
• First moderator to look like Gollum: Charlie Rose

-break-

• First to talk about Ronald Reagan’s diary: Perry
• First to say it’s a terrible idea to cut the bloated defense budget: Romney
• First to call Washington D.C. a wilderness: Bachmann
• First to claim that young Americans will be paying a 75% tax rate: Bachman

• First to say “the problem with that analysis is that it is incorrect”: Cain
• First to say he doesn’t buy beer: Cain

• First to bring up the Spanish-American war: Bachmann
• First to bring up the devil: Bachmann
• First to say he doesn’t subscribe to the Donald Trump or Mitt Romney school of economic trade: Huntsman
• First to talk about fiddles: Romney
• First to wipe his nose: Paul
• First to say we don’t need any plan to pass congress to get American working again: Perry
• First to say he wants to go to war with China: Santorum
• First to ask the audience to raise their hands: Santorum
• First to say “I’m not done yet”: Santorum
• First to complain that he has only answered one question: Santorum

-break-

• First to say he grew up a Democrat: Perry
• First to say “heck”: Romney
• First to forget to change his tie from the last debate: Cain
• First to suggest that Mitt Romney knows his own economic advisor well: Perry
• First to be called on and say it wasn’t his turn: Santorum
• First (and only) candidate to ask Michelle Bachmann a question: Romney
• First to promote her website: Bachmann

-break-

• First to lick his lips after answering a question: Perry
• First to shake his head at Herman Cain: Paul (as Cain was praising Alan Greenspan)
• First to say she was distracted and didn’t hear the question: Bachmann
• First to call his family “army-brat”: Gingrich
• First to be glad none of these candidates are president: myself

The National Rifle Association has once again demonstrated the intellectual heft of its leadership.

Addressing CPAC in the swing state of Flordia, the executive vice president Wayne LaPiere called the president’s decision not to ban firearms “a massive conspiracy,” and evidence as to why Obama should be a one-term president.

“The president will offer the Second Amendment lip service and hit the campaign trail saying he’s actually been good for the Second Amendment,” said LaPiere. “But it’s a big fat stinking lie! It’s all part of a massive Obama conspiracy to deceive voters and destroy the Second Amendment in our country.”

The craziest of the nine Republican Ring Wraiths isn’t even considering dropping out.  No way, no how.  According to Politico, Rick Santorum wants to prove to you he’s not an also-ran:

“Santorum has been getting some attention for his debate performances and has a fourth place finish in Ames to brag about. He insisted to POLITICO this week that his confidence about actually winning the race wasn’t delusion — “I’ll do a blood test and pee in a cup,” he said — and according to a longtime close adviser and friend, has never discussed a campaign end-game.”

Someone, anyone, somehow P L E A S E take Rickie up on this and get him to pee in a cup to prove he really wants to be president.  Just once.  I won’t ask again.  Thanks.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I really don’t know what to say…

And then there were nine.

Gary Johnson joins the brood for more ridiculous debate-firsts!

Let the live-blogging begin.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Full debate

Debate mockery

9/22/11 Republican Primary Debate Firsts

• First on the screen: Moderator Brett Baier
• First website mentioned: Google
• Second website mentioned: YouTube
• First candidate introduced: Perry
• First thumbs up: Perry
• First leaning candidate: Gingrich
• First yellow tie: Paul
• First real smile: Santorum
• First question: How can you help small businesses hire?

• First candidate called on: Perry
• First stutter: Perry
• First “uh…”: Perry
• First number spoken: 59
• First failed microphone: Romney’s
• First to mention president Obama: Romney
• First thrown elbow: Romney stating he’s had a job (implying Perry has not)
• First to call China “cheaters”: Romney
• First to avoid answering a question: Romney on “What does rich mean to you?”

• First to say that you should get to keep every dollar you earn: Bachmann
• First to say that government isn’t a genius: Bachmann
• First hesitant audience response for: Bachmann
• First to say his wife is the greatest human being: Huntsman
• First to say that renewable resources makes sense…later on: Huntsman
• First moustache: Cain
• First candidate to only gesture with one hand during an answer: Romney
• First hat: This guy

• First candidate not to use all of his answer time limit: Paul
• First to claim he has vetoed more bills than all of the other governors combined: Johnson
• First bald politician: Rick Scott, Florida Governor
• First to call another candidate wrong: Perry of Romney
• First to call Perry double-faced: Romney
• First to mention socialism: Kelly, moderator
• First to sound presidential: Romney
• First to count on his fingers: Romney
• First to joke about not using drugs: Romney (“I didn’t inhale”)
• First to mention Ronald Reagan: Huntsman

• First to say the Environmental Protection Agency has “gone wild”: Cain
• First to mention the country of Chile in every debate: Cain
• First to rehash his “Contract with America”: Gingrich
• First to promise to abolish the Department of Education: Johnson
• First to use another candidate’s full name: Santorum on Gary Johnson
• First to say “Nice try” to an attack: Romney to Perry
• First shakey camera: On Romney
• First candidate to mispronounce the word “bus”: Romney
• First to use “shockingly” and “chillingly” in the same sentence: Cain
• First audience boo: Santorum for babbling about Pakistan
• First to admit he supports foreign aid: Gingrich
• First to use a “you know”: Johnson
• First to butt-in and interrupt the moderators: Bachmann
• First candidate to take on…Santorum?!: Huntsman on foreign policy
• First to attempt to quote Thomas Jefferson: Bachmann
• First homophobe to say “sex is not an issue”: Santorum
• First to mention George W. Bush: Kelly (did she really have to?)

• First to say he annually calls George W. Bush to wish him a happy birthday: Perry
• First to mention his daughter’s disease: Huntsman
• First to mention France: Huntsman
• First to wear a ribbon: Bachmann
• First unintelligible answer: Perry on why Texas is great
• First to gesture his right hand as if he was sprinkling fairy dust: Romney
• First to use a pen on screen: Perry
• First to actually say “we need to reach for the brass ring of liberty”: Bachmann
• First to say we’re the only country who place their hands over their hearts during their national anthem: Romney
• First to say “bubbles” four times in five seconds: Paul
• First to compare President Obama to King George III: Santorum
• First to mention his next door neighbor’s two dogs’ poop: Johnson
• First place for biggest audience laugh: Johnson
• First to suggest combining Gingrich and Cain into a super vice presidental candidate: Perry
• First to complement Cain’s necktie selection: Huntsman
• First to shake another candidate’s hand: Huntsman
• Best part of the debate: Applause for Herman Cain’s triumph over colon cancer

The Ticket?

 

 

Oh no! This is the worst boxing-like intro to a primary debate ever. What the hell, here we go!

CNN/TEA Party Debate Firsts

• First candidates’ to appear on the screen: Romney
• First odd-purple tie:  Blitzer
• First white beard: Blitzer
• First candidate on stage: Santorum
• First thumbs up: Santorum
• First candidate to refuse to wave above his shoulders: Gingrich
• First handshake: Newt to Paul
• First salute: Perry
• First “fellas” as a greeting: Perry
• First “Hi.”: Romney
• First giggle: Bachmann
• First song: National Anthem

• First to say he was thrilled to be there: Blitzer
• First to introduce himself: Huntsman
• First stutter: Bachmann
• First red Christmas-too-early polka dot tie: Romney
• First candidate not to have a tightened tie: Perry
• First debate disaster tie: Paul
• First to mention the date: Gingrich

• First question ask to: Bachmann
• First to say “It’s time to get back to the Constitution”: Perry
• First to interrupt another candidate: Romney to Perry
• First to say Romney is scaring senior citizens: Perry
• First to mention Nirvana lead singer Kurt Coban: Huntsman
• First to say President Obama scares citizens every single day: Gingrich
• First to promote a website: Gingrich www.strongamericanow.com
• First to be snarky: Perry to Blitzer “That’s what I said when I started the conversation”
• First to suggest ending foreign wars: Paul
• First to say “jobs, jobs, jobs”: Blitzer
• First to say herion-like addiction to oil: Huntsman
• First to mention rocketships: Perry
• First place one-liner: “People are tired of spending money we don’t have on programs we don’t want” -Perry
• First to mention smartphones and quarters: Romney
• First to say the debt, taxes, and spending in Texas has gone up in Texas: Paul
• First to mention the Vatican: Paul
• First to mention President Clinton: Blitzer
• First to mention his mother: Cain
• First to mention magic: Huntsman
• First to wipe her nose: This lady in the audience

• First to want the Federal Reserve to “squeak”: Backmann
• First big hit on Perry: Mandated STD vaccinations for young girls
• First to mention restaurants: Bachmann (kidding! Cain)
• First time Romney has had a hair out of place: This debate!
• First to talk with a pen in his hand: Perry
• First yelp: Audience cheering for a man to die
• First fist: Santorum

• First to say cowtow: Paul (someone always does it)
• First candidate to consistenly look at the speaker in every GOP debate: Romney
• First to sound like a broken record: Bachmann
• First to compare the Affordable Health Care Act to a tree: BachmannFirst to say “yes sir” to Blitzer: Perry
• First to say “yes sir” to Blitzer: Perry
• First to say “Texas Ranger Recon”: Perry
• First to bring up English as the official language: Santorum (whew, that took a while)
• First to mention salads: Santorum

• First to suggest Perry made a treasonous comment: Huntsman
• First to say this is the party that believes in enforcing the law: Romney (wow)
• First to put his left hand in his pocket: Romney
• First to say he has a guiding principle: Cain
• First to compare the EPA to ‘Girls Gone Wild’: Cain
• First to mention we have 900 military bases around the world: Paul
• First to mention another candidate’s blog: Santorum to Paul
• First to say Paul is parodying Osama bin Laden: Santorum
• First to be booed so bad he had to explain to the audience what he is talking about: Paul

• First to address an audience member by name: Huntsman to Sahar
• First to mention Ronald Reagan: Audience member Sahar
• First to say he agrees with Huntsman: Perry
• First to say “Is it best to spend 100,000 military there”: Perry.. whatever that means
• First to say he’d bring a bushel basket of common sense to the White House: Paul
• First to quote Winston Churchhill: Romney
• First to say he’d bring a sense of humor to the White House because America is too uptight: Cain
• First to say he’d bring a motorcycle to the White House: Huntsman
• First to whisper to another candidate after the debate: Paul to Huntsman
• First to receive a kiss after the debate: Bachmann
• First to say he hopes to get together soon with Perry: Blitzer
• First to pat Perry on the arm and say he did a good job: Blitzer
• First to announce Blitzer is in love with Perry: Me

Another set of presidential debate-firsts for your approval.

The Republican field has grown by one, a lone-star big one, Texas Governor Rick Perry.  All eyes will be on Perry and Romney tonight, to see if the former front runner can retake his lead.

Feel free to comment with your own debate-firsts below.

Full debate here.

Here we go!

Republican Primary Debate-Firsts, 9/7/11, otherwise known as the Romney, Perry & Huntsman show

• First image: Air Force One
• First on stage: None! All candidates already on stage (way to go Politico)
• First topic: You guessed it, jobs
• First candidate to receive a question: Perry
• First candidate to lick his lips: Perry
• First yawn: Blond lady in the audience

• First candidate to call government work ‘a fine profession’: Romney
• First candidate to make awkward pauses when talking: Perry
• First candidate to reference Al Gore: Romney
• First candidate to reach way back and reference Dukakis: Perry
• First pink tie: Santorum
• First to say ‘if 10 is good enough for God, 9 is good enough for America’: Cain
• First to stand at his podium with one foot way in front of the other: Paul

• First candidate to rehash his terrible yellow tie: Cain
• First candidate to think Cain’s yellow tie is a good idea and copy him: Huntsman
• First place for largest flag pin: Bachmann
• First Op-Art vertigo-inducing tie: Paul
• First to bring up the Devil: Moderator Brian Williams
• First to suggest nixing automobile safety regulations: Paul
• First to make Rick Perry laugh: Gingrich

• First to think a cranberry-colored tie would be helpful to his lagging campaign: Gingrich
• First to wear his cranberry-colored tie askew: Gingrich
• First to bash Romneycare: Perry
• First to speak mostly with the right side of his face: Romney
• First to wipe his lips with his thumb: Perry
• First to call Romney and Perry ‘great governors’: Huntsman
• First to say ‘harmonizing’: Huntsman
• First to say ‘I’m frankly not interested in your effort to get Republcans to fight each other’: Gingrich
• First to say the word ‘puff’: Gingrich
• Oohh.. First to also say ‘monstrosity’: Gingrich

• First to say he’s against ‘Hillarycare’, ‘Obamacare’, and ‘Romneycare’: Cain
• First to scratch his left temple: Romney
• First to talk about himself in the first person: Santorum
• First to quote John F. Kennedy: Perry
• First GOP debate moderators to sport dual purple ties: These two!

• First to say advocates dismissing the minimum wage: Paul
• First to complain about not receiving any medical questions: Paul
• First candidate to have a cute little wave in his hair: Paul

• First to say the Reagan administration was ‘not all that great’: Paul
• First to say that Karl (Rove) has been over the top for a long time: Perry
• First to misprounce the word ‘language’: Perry
• First to say he believes in the ‘Chilean model’: Cain
• First to say innoculating young women against HIV is bad medicine: Paul
• First to say he wouldn’t, as president, use an executive order to write laws: Paul
• First candidate to consistently look at the current speaker: Romney (good job Mitt!)
• First to say he feels like a pinata: Perry
• First to say he hates cancer: Perry

• First to call himself a wide receiver: Santorum
• First to say President Obama is a nice guy: Romney
• First to remind us that people want to kill us: Gingrich
• First to achieve the consistent-buzz-kill award: Gingrich
• First to say the TSA agents maul people and are abusive: Paul
• First to say 9/11 came about because there was too much government: Paul
• First to say we’re spending 20 billion dollars on air conditioning in Afganistan: Paul
• First to swat at a bug: Cain
• First to say a ‘fortress mentality’ isn’t American: Huntsman (hell yes)

• First to repeat the words ‘intellectual discussion’ on numerous occasions to appear intelligent: Perry
• First to wipe his nose: Paul
• First to count on his fingers: Gingrich

• First to say that a barb-wire fence and machine guns isn’t American: Paul
• First to wear a watch on his right wrist: Williams
• First to thank the audience for applauding him: Huntsman
• First place for using the most hand gestures: Huntsman
• First to ‘tip his hat’ to President Obama for ordering the assassination of Osama bin Laden: Perry
• First to wear a rotating flag pin: Bachmann

• First to say that United Nations tells President Obama what to do: Santorum
• First candidate to put his left hand in his pocket when being attacked: Santorum
• First to suggest the president wants America to be like Spain: Bachmann
• First to say he’d fire the Fed Chairman tomorrow: Gingrich
• First place for standing completely still: Bachmann
• First to mention music: Cain
• First to defend his compassion: Paul

Polderdash Analysis: With Governor Rick Perry’s suicidal slam of Social Security, former governors Jon Huntsman and Mitt Romney are the only two credible Republican candidates for president; Huntsman being the only rationale choice -no one sounded more presidential.

Michelle Bachmann’s frozen body and predictable answers did nothing for her 2016 campaign (you read that right);  Ron Paul remains an offbeat indie band with a steady, moderate following;  Herman Cain’s ‘solutions’ repertoire is singular note in a complex world;  Newt Gingrich’s perpetual doom-and-gloom campaign tortures on; and Rick Santorum still subscribes to magical thinking.

The GOP octopus slithers on.

Other reactions:

Taegan Goddard: It’s very clear Mitt Romney has done this before because he looked like a long distance runner compared to the other candidates on the stage. He won the debate, but only because Rick Perry stumbled badly on several questions. In fact, Perry’s doubling-down on his criticisms of social security may ultimately prove to be a fatal flaw as GOP primary voters gauge electability.

Michele Bachmann lost the debate because she did nothing to stop her downward drift in the polls. By next month, her campaign may be an afterthought. Ron Paul has more staying power than her because his libertarian base is unique and unmoving.

Most amazing moment: The audience applauding the record number of executions carried out under Perry’s tenure as governor.

Andrew Sullivan: “My take-away? Perry has proved himself an extreme, inarticulate, incurious W clone. He doubled down on the vicious attacks on social security; and his rhetoric was off-key. Huntsman emerged as an actual candidate; Romney kicked ass. Bachmann is wearing thinner and thinner. Paul is Paul. Santorum is a Vatican crank. Gingrich is an angry old man. Cain has no business being up there. Perry’s poor performance gives Palin an opening.”

Ezra Klein: “Mitt Romney looked like he had already won the Republican nomination. Rick Perry looked like he will win the Republican nomination. Michele Bachmann looked like she was beginning to realize she definitely wouldn’t win the Republican nomination.”

More debate firsts here!

Your wait is over.  Just in time for Rick Perry to join the interminable GOP primary debates, Tea Party Zombies The Game has *finally* arrived.

Is it violent? Oh yes.

Is it obtusely unnecessary? Oh hell yes.

Is there a link?  Must you ask?

Play the Game

Roland Martin nails American sentiment on our president in a new CNN opinion piece.  In summary: President Obama is a pushover.

“Americans respond to decisiveness” pens Martin, “They respond to a leader who makes clear what he wants and will use the power of the presidency to lead his troops up the hill to take on those who oppose him.”

When can you remember Obama doing this?

Here’s another taste:

“After Obama buckled to Speaker John Boehner by postponing the speech to Thursday, a hardcore Democrat, who hates anything the GOP does and has never voted for a Republican for president, texted me the following: ‘Does the POTUS need back surgery? I think he does. He needs a spine transplant.’ ”

The list goes painfully on and on.  Who would of thought the unstoppable candidate Obama of 2008 would be deemed categorically weak in 2011?  Sadly, the president seems to believe being president is enough to make people treat you like a president.

Sorry Barry, but the presidency is what you make it.  Stop being afraid of getting dirty in the eyes of posterity.  All of us who voted for you are over the historical nature of your ascension.  You need to be too.  Every sidestep and retreat is another line on your presidential obituary.  People won’t remember you as high-minded if you also appear spine-weak.  Think Jimmy Carter.

President Obama needs to decide if he actually wants to be the president, or appear presidential.   You can’t do both.

Read Roland Martin’s piece here.

It’s official, he’s a veggie! From CNN:

By the time he reached the White House, Bill Clinton’s appetite was legend. He loved hamburgers, steaks, chicken enchiladas, barbecue and french fries but wasn’t too picky. At one campaign stop in New Hampshire, he reportedly bought a dozen doughnuts and was working his way through the box until an aide stopped him.

Former President Clinton now considers himself a vegan. He’s dropped more than 20 pounds, and he says he’s healthier than ever. His dramatic dietary transformation took almost two decades and came about only after a pair of heart procedures and some advice from a trusted doctor.

His dietary saga began in 1993, when first lady Hillary Clinton decided to inaugurate a new, healthier diet for her husband. In a meeting, she asked Dr. Dean Ornish to work with the White House chefs, who were accustomed to high fat, French cuisine.

“The president did like unhealthy foods, and we were able to put soy burgers in White House, for example, and get foods that were delicious and nutritious,” said Ornish, director and president of the Preventive Medicine Research Institute in Sausalito, California. Other new menu items included such healthy fare as stir fry vegetables with tofu, and salmon with vegetables.

Continue reading at CNN

Quite possibly the most mocked rapper in the history of music has made his small voice loud and clear: Herman Cain is impressive.

While Democrats and Liberals might brush off this fallen rapper’s remarks as balderdash, many in the Republican ranks are breathing a collective sigh of relief.

“We’ve been trying to get more gangster”, said an imaginary GOP spokesperson, “We hired Michael Steele to show we’re not racist and the TEA party has embraced the concept of ‘old school’ with a patriotic flair.  The tricorn hats were my idea.  I think it’s safe to say that everyone in our party has been waiting for Vanilla Ice to weigh in.  He is our direct tap into the zeitgeist of young America, and we value his input.”

No comment yet from the Cain campaign.

Herman Cain’s anticipated expression upon hearing the good news

Another intriguing gaze into delusional intramural Republican politics: The 2011 Iowa Republican Debate!

Candidates Rep. Michele Bachmann, Rep. Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Tim Pawlenty, Jon Huntsman, and Newt Gingrich are here once again to share their crazy ideas.

The full debate is at the bottom.  First, the debate-firsts!

August 8th, 2011 Republican Debate Firsts

• First on screen: Brett Baier
• First candidate to be introduced: Santorum
• First host to show teeth when smiling:
• First question goes to: Bachmann
• First to mispronounce a word: Bachmann
• First to hold up one finger: Bachmann
• First to mention the president: Bachmann
• First to mispronounce a word after Bachmann: Romney
• First to point to himself with both hands: Romney
• First to make a mind-numbing list: Romney
• First to mention a date twice in one answer: Romney (June 30^th)
• First to say the bell is not a doorbell: Baier
• First to say he’s not going to eat President Obama’s dogfood: Romney
• First to use obvious talking points after Baier asked the canidates not to: Paul
• First candidate to be laughed at while answering a question: Paul
• First to blink consistently through his first answer: Cain
• First to say “number one”: Huntsman
• First to repeat himself: Huntsman
• First to mention Ronald Reagan: Gingrich
• First to say “growth”  times during his first answer: Pawlenty
• First to offer a prize of a homecooked dinner or a mowed lawn for looking up things on the internet: Pawlenty
• First to be rude to another candidate: Pawlenty (mocking Romney’s gigantic home)
• First question to receive an “ooow” from the audience: Is Michelle Bachmann unqualified or just beating you in the polls?
• First to directly address another candidate, comparing him to the president: Bachmann to Pawlenty
• First candidate to title herself as a fighter: Bachmann
• First to tout her “Lightbulb Freedom of Choice bill” as a reason she should be president: Bachmann
• First tie clip/microphone combination: Chris Wallace

• First to call out Chris Wallace for ‘gotcha questions’: Gingrich
• First to lean on his left elbow while answering a question: Gingrich
• First to sport an askew blue tie: Huntsman
• First to have forehead wrinkles that match his hair: Huntsman
• Ugly tie award: Herman Cain (yellow, really)
• First to seriously wear a moustache during a presidential debate: Cain
• First to hold up three fingers: Cain
• First to say the issue of immigration has zero intellectual credibility until the border fence is completed: Huntsman
• First to copy Huntsman’s askew blue tie: Romney
• First to mention alligators: Susan Ferrechio
• First to say “American has got to learn how to take a joke”: Cain
• First to hold up four fingers: Cain
• First to copy Gingrich’s left leaning elbow answering stance: Cain
• First to twist and fidget his pencil: Gingrich
• First to directly answer all the questions asked to him: Paul

• First to weakly, vaguely say “one way I would suggest we could do it”: Paul
• First to wear a suit jacket that was way to big for him: Pawlenty
• First to be proud of achieving a state government shutdown: Pawlenty
• First to be silly enough to mention raising taxes in his state: Pawlenty
• First to wear the lightest gray suit: Bachmann
• First to say the cheesy memorized line“You can get money wrong, but you can’t get life wrong”: Bachmann
• First to speak unnaturally slowly: Bachmann
• First to say Bachmann’s answer is illogical: Pawlenty
• First to raise his hand and whine about not being able to answer any questions: Santorum
• First to give himself  a thumbs up: Santorum
• First to wear a Santa Claus tie: Santorum
• First and only candidate to raise his hand below his head: Paul
• First to say the Super Congress a dumb idea: Gingrich
• First to say the Super Congress is going to say “We can shoot you in the head or cut off your leg”: Gingrich
• First to appear highly uncomfortable criticizing Romney: Pawlenty
• First candidate to use her fused spine to stand perfectly erect the entire debate: Bachmann
• First to be called a Constitutional expert by Chris Wallace: Paul
• First to fidget with both index fingers while answering a question: Paul
• First to say our country is based on moral laws: Santorum
• First to say the questions being asked the candidates are the worst ever: John LeBoutillier (if you watched the online break Fox commentary)
• First to be absent from the stage when the debate continued after a commercial break: Bachmann
• First to say Rick Perry would dilute all the other candidate’s votes: Paul
• First to mock Perry’s prayer meeting: Huntsman
• First to fix his askew blue tie: Huntsman

• First to say she is very good friends with Sarah Palin: Bachmann
• First to use the idiom “beyond the pale”: Huntsman
• First to say the CIA gave him information that Iran doesn’t want to develop a nuclear weapon: Paul
• First to raise not one, but TWO hands to complain that he hasn’t been called on: Santorum
• First candidate to have his camera position switched to hide the ‘Fox’ logo next to him: Paul
• First to say he would give a loyalty test to all government employees: Gingrich (seriously)
• First uncomfortable question: “As president, would you be submissive to your husband”: Byron York
• First to say that an abortion after being raped is more traumatic than being forced to bear, give birth, and raise your rapist’s child: Santorum
• First to say the EPA’s environmental and health protection regulation is ‘terror’: Huntsman
• First to say of Paul: “Just because he’s mostly wrong doesn’t mean he’s always wrong”: Santorum (jerk)
• First to close his pen while listening to a question: Huntsman
• First to say he was the only one who supported the ‘grand bargain’ 4 trillion debt deal: Huntsman
• First to say that the national media doesn’t pay attention to his campaign: Santorum
• First to quote a poet during his closing statement: Cain (no idea which poet, but it was a bad one)
• First to mention peace during his closing statement: Paul
• First to imply that President Obama has never had a job: Romney
• First not talk at all about herself during her closing statement: Bachmann
• First to say our nation is hurting, scared, and backrupt: Huntman (way to go, optimist)
• First and only candidate to thank the debate hosts: Gingrich

I’ve heard candidates say they have ‘fighting spirit’, are ‘made out of red meat’, and are even ‘children of God’, but never, never has a presidential candidate compared their inner spirit with that of a serial killer.

Michelle Bachman: “Well, what I want them to know is just like John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.”

John Wayne with Waterloo roots is John Wayne Gacy, a serial killer who was executed in 1994 after being convicted of 33 murders.

Perhaps, oh just perhaps, Bachmann meant the iconic cowboy John Wayne, the movie star, who was born in Winterset, Iowa (with zero connection to Waterloo).

But if we are to take the TEA Party favorite at her word, then I agree, she and John Wayne Gracy both deserve the title of “Killer Clown”.

Is she crazy?
Yes.

Is she really running for president?
No, not really. She’s just raising her profile.

Is she a flake? “We report, you decide.”

Michelle Bachman is apparently not on the Fox News Christmas list.

Go Chris Wallace go!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Obama impersonator Reggie Brown, who was yanked off stage at the Republican Leadership Conference for joking about Republicans, was invited to finish his act on Real Time with Bill Maher. And thank god he did.

Here’s a few highlights:

• Michelle Bachman: And you thought black women were scary.
• Mitt Romney: Mitt is what people who hate white people think of white people.
• Chris Christie: He’s got a type A personality and type 2 diabetes.
• Herman Cain: I’m not worried about him at all – he’s one of my undercover ACORN volunteers.
• The Republican Field: You’ve got a crazy woman, a fat blowhard, three interchangeable pencil necks, two mormons, and the black guy from Ghostbusters.

Enjoy.

Perhaps Americans aren’t so crazy after all

According to the National Journal, a new Gallup poll found that “22 percent of Americans would not vote for candidate who was a Mormon.”

What, one might ask, is the issue with the Church of Latter-day Saints?  Why all the haters?

Perhaps it has something to do with the notion that Mormons believe that if they’re very, very good, they can become gods themselves and have planets of their own full of little Mormon children.

Or not.  It could just be that Mormonism is scary because it is different, and isolationist he’s-not-like-us beliefs swarm like locusts during election season.

Both former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, and former Utah governor Jon Huntsman are members of the crazy-but-not-super-scary church.  Huntsman plans to announce his candidacy tomorrow.

Good news for Smith-lovers, though:  NJ also notes that “the year before John F. Kennedy was elected, becoming the nation’s first Catholic president, a quarter of Americans said they would not vote for a Catholic.”

The assault on the attractiveness of congresswomen reaches the White House!

After comedian Chris Rock corrected Joy Behar’s description of congresswomen on “The View”, demoting them from “very attractive” to “cute”, President Obama it seems just couldn’t distance himself from this discussion of national importance.

The president just couldn’t help describing Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.) as “cute“when asked to comment on the new DNC chair.

Is Obama secretly saying that Debbie Schultz isn’t attractive enough to have an affair with?

Of course not, but it’s fun to pretend.

Come on, somebody, wink at Debbie.

I’m not sure who the real idiot is here.

A kid in this video lambasts the true weiner-in-chief Tucker Carlson for seven month-old comments on dog killer Michael Vick.  Wackjob.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Kid that needs a hobby

Click here to view the embedded video.

Tucker Carlson’s comments on Michael Vick

Why don’t more female pols get caught up sex scandals?

While some believe that male politicians will always cheat, comedian Chris Rock, speaking on “The View”, gives his insight on why there aren’t more female political sex scandals.

Joy Behar: “there aren’t as many women in Congress…”

Chris Rock: “I guess not…people have to want to sleep with you in order for you to actually have an affair…”

Joy Behar: “A lot of women in Congress are beautiful”

Chris Rock: “No, they’re cute.”

Ouch!

Pleading not guilty to conspiracy and campaign law violations, former U.S. Senator John Edwards displayed his pearly whites for his mug shot, a ceremonial political requirement of all U.S. pols.

CNN obtained it through a FOIA request.

I’m guessing he was not allowed to smile for the profile picture as it could distort his fine-chiseled silhouette.

The Edwards’ photo reminds me of another smiling alleged criminal, Republican Tom Delay.

House Majority Leader for two years, he resigned due to criminal money laundering charges in connection with a campaign finance investigation. He was convicted of money laundering in January, sentenced to three years, and is currently on bail while appealing his conviction.

Keep smiling, fellas!

Bill Maher discusses Weinergate with non-gay Anderson Cooper about the benefits of an Anthony Weiner resignation.

UPDATE: Looks like Anthony took his advice.

Always classy TMZ released a disturbing photo of Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich during his recent Greek vacation.

The problem is Josh Kraushaar, editor of the National Journal Hotline, was told by Gingrich that the photo is not of him.  I don’t blame him.  Who would want to take credit for that sun-shiny belly? ”Just asked Newt…the picture on TMZ is not him…remarkable resemblance though” Kraushaar wrote.

If it is not grumpy dwarf Gingrich, then who is this mystery man relaxing beneath the Mykonos sun?  It matters not.  For Polderdash purposes, it’s flat out Gingrich, and that’s a Gingrich belly glaring starkly in the sun.

And since all these trivial nonsensical bits of datum fill the American electorate with notions of who these pols are, here’s a potential presidential comparison to fester: