Iowa GOP Debate Firsts + Full Debate 8/11/11

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Another intriguing gaze into delusional intramural Republican politics: The 2011 Iowa Republican Debate!

Candidates Rep. Michele Bachmann, Rep. Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Tim Pawlenty, Jon Huntsman, and Newt Gingrich are here once again to share their crazy ideas.

The full debate is at the bottom.  First, the debate-firsts!

August 8th, 2011 Republican Debate Firsts

• First on screen: Brett Baier
• First candidate to be introduced: Santorum
• First host to show teeth when smiling:
• First question goes to: Bachmann
• First to mispronounce a word: Bachmann
• First to hold up one finger: Bachmann
• First to mention the president: Bachmann
• First to mispronounce a word after Bachmann: Romney
• First to point to himself with both hands: Romney
• First to make a mind-numbing list: Romney
• First to mention a date twice in one answer: Romney (June 30^th)
• First to say the bell is not a doorbell: Baier
• First to say he’s not going to eat President Obama’s dogfood: Romney
• First to use obvious talking points after Baier asked the canidates not to: Paul
• First candidate to be laughed at while answering a question: Paul
• First to blink consistently through his first answer: Cain
• First to say “number one”: Huntsman
• First to repeat himself: Huntsman
• First to mention Ronald Reagan: Gingrich
• First to say “growth”  times during his first answer: Pawlenty
• First to offer a prize of a homecooked dinner or a mowed lawn for looking up things on the internet: Pawlenty
• First to be rude to another candidate: Pawlenty (mocking Romney’s gigantic home)
• First question to receive an “ooow” from the audience: Is Michelle Bachmann unqualified or just beating you in the polls?
• First to directly address another candidate, comparing him to the president: Bachmann to Pawlenty
• First candidate to title herself as a fighter: Bachmann
• First to tout her “Lightbulb Freedom of Choice bill” as a reason she should be president: Bachmann
• First tie clip/microphone combination: Chris Wallace

• First to call out Chris Wallace for ‘gotcha questions’: Gingrich
• First to lean on his left elbow while answering a question: Gingrich
• First to sport an askew blue tie: Huntsman
• First to have forehead wrinkles that match his hair: Huntsman
• Ugly tie award: Herman Cain (yellow, really)
• First to seriously wear a moustache during a presidential debate: Cain
• First to hold up three fingers: Cain
• First to say the issue of immigration has zero intellectual credibility until the border fence is completed: Huntsman
• First to copy Huntsman’s askew blue tie: Romney
• First to mention alligators: Susan Ferrechio
• First to say “American has got to learn how to take a joke”: Cain
• First to hold up four fingers: Cain
• First to copy Gingrich’s left leaning elbow answering stance: Cain
• First to twist and fidget his pencil: Gingrich
• First to directly answer all the questions asked to him: Paul

 

• First to weakly, vaguely say “one way I would suggest we could do it”: Paul
• First to wear a suit jacket that was way to big for him: Pawlenty
• First to be proud of achieving a state government shutdown: Pawlenty
• First to be silly enough to mention raising taxes in his state: Pawlenty
• First to wear the lightest gray suit: Bachmann
• First to say the cheesy memorized line“You can get money wrong, but you can’t get life wrong”: Bachmann
• First to speak unnaturally slowly: Bachmann
• First to say Bachmann’s answer is illogical: Pawlenty
• First to raise his hand and whine about not being able to answer any questions: Santorum
• First to give himself  a thumbs up: Santorum
• First to wear a Santa Claus tie: Santorum
• First and only candidate to raise his hand below his head: Paul
• First to say the Super Congress a dumb idea: Gingrich
• First to say the Super Congress is going to say “We can shoot you in the head or cut off your leg”: Gingrich
• First to appear highly uncomfortable criticizing Romney: Pawlenty
• First candidate to use her fused spine to stand perfectly erect the entire debate: Bachmann
• First to be called a Constitutional expert by Chris Wallace: Paul
• First to fidget with both index fingers while answering a question: Paul
• First to say our country is based on moral laws: Santorum
• First to say the questions being asked the candidates are the worst ever: John LeBoutillier (if you watched the online break Fox commentary)
• First to be absent from the stage when the debate continued after a commercial break: Bachmann
• First to say Rick Perry would dilute all the other candidate’s votes: Paul
• First to mock Perry’s prayer meeting: Huntsman
• First to fix his askew blue tie: Huntsman

• First to say she is very good friends with Sarah Palin: Bachmann
• First to use the idiom “beyond the pale”: Huntsman
• First to say the CIA gave him information that Iran doesn’t want to develop a nuclear weapon: Paul
• First to raise not one, but TWO hands to complain that he hasn’t been called on: Santorum
• First candidate to have his camera position switched to hide the ‘Fox’ logo next to him: Paul
• First to say he would give a loyalty test to all government employees: Gingrich (seriously)
• First uncomfortable question: “As president, would you be submissive to your husband”: Byron York
• First to say that an abortion after being raped is more traumatic than being forced to bear, give birth, and raise your rapist’s child: Santorum
• First to say the EPA’s environmental and health protection regulation is ‘terror’: Huntsman
• First to say of Paul: “Just because he’s mostly wrong doesn’t mean he’s always wrong”: Santorum (jerk)
• First to close his pen while listening to a question: Huntsman
• First to say he was the only one who supported the ‘grand bargain’ 4 trillion debt deal: Huntsman
• First to say that the national media doesn’t pay attention to his campaign: Santorum
• First to quote a poet during his closing statement: Cain (no idea which poet, but it was a bad one)
• First to mention peace during his closing statement: Paul
• First to imply that President Obama has never had a job: Romney
• First not talk at all about herself during her closing statement: Bachmann
• First to say our nation is hurting, scared, and backrupt: Huntman (way to go, optimist)
• First and only candidate to thank the debate hosts: Gingrich